Wonderful and wise comments about getting older (in your Today Health piece). I struggle with it myself, but your blog always helps me remember that women over 40 are AWESOME!
Like Samantha I also love your piece in Today Health. I’m going to be turning 40, and I’ve also been struggling with a life that doesn’t look how I expected it would by this time. It’s wonderful to see someone like you talking about that struggle, and encouraging to know that you can get past it. Thank you for being so open about your experiences.
Love the piece you wrote! “Don’t mourn the life you didn’t get” is my new mantra. Thanks for sharing this.
agreed– that was something I too really needed to hear, it’s so easy (maybe especially in NYC) to get caught in that trap. Loved the Today piece Kim, really eloquent. Happy birthday.
What I admire about you is your courage and your ability to speak the truth about your life without sugar-coating.
It is inspirational for those of us not in the spotlight to read about women who are striving to be “of a certain age” with dignity and the vulnerability of honesty, who look ahead with optimism and appreciate the wisdom that they’ve earned…
Loved your Today column; I’ve had a similar trajectory and life truly gets so much brighter and better once we stop chasing the life we didn’t get and start making the most of the one we have. Happy birthday to you! (Also, the Soviet textiles are amazing)
I will be 40 in two weeks, and so I’m thinking a lot about getting older, and the wisdom that accrues, and trying to figure out the next stage of my professional life. (I’m sure you think I’m just a kid, though!) Thanks for being so matter of fact about how sometimes those milestones don’t look like you thought they would, and that’s okay.
Kim I love and relate to certain aspects of your article…I am in my mid 40’s and was let go from a job I held for 17 years. I took the summer off to re-evalute and have decided to reinvent myself…starting with school in September I will become a makeup artist…if it makes any sense, the lack of fear i am experiencing actually scares me 🙂 I am sorry for all the turmoil you’ve experienced and so appreciate your honesty and willingness to put it out there. You are an inspiration and further proof to me that sometimes we all just need a kick in the butt even if it hurts.
Just so you know I never would have guessed you were 50 based on that selfie you posted the other day. You (and others) are paving the way for people my age (42) to approach aging a lot differently than I use to imagine I would. Thank-you.
Wonderful column for Today Health. You write so honestly. I just told a younger friend the other day, “Stop caring so much about what others think of you.” Then remembered that I cared, too, at that age. I feel lucky to have reached the point where it matters so much less.
Very insightful. I need to figure out how not mourn the life I’m not living. I really like that phrase. Thank you.
Thank you Kim. That was a wonderful piece. At 55, It’s hard and scary to see my older siblings age, and my friends get older, and to realize that the future doesn’t stretch out to infinity any more. The flip side is that I am learning to enjoy & appreciate the present much more than I ever did.
Welcome to the “50” club – we are honored to have you as a new member. Rule book will follow, wait there is NO rule book – Hooray!
i love what you wrote of course,
small point-i’ve had alopecia at various points in my life – it’s a unique kind of awful.
whenever i read your blog i wishthere were more people our age w/ your humour perspective & wisdom.
Well said. I turned 50 myself this year and have experienced both the angst and relief of it.
Hi Kim: thank you for those wise words. So helpful.
I loved your article. Perfectly put.
You nailed it, Kim!
I’ve read and enjoyed your blog for some time now. This is my first time commenting, prompted by your essay on turning 50. Thank you for that admirable, heartfelt, honest assessment. You have created a wonderful community, and I appreciate it, as do so many others. Happy belated birthday.
Thank you from a middle aged woman staring down 50. I, too have lost hair, been dismissed, had major surgery and am back and better than ever. May I say that youth IS wasted on the young.
Your blog is one of my “go to” blogs during the week. Thank you for helping inspire those of us in our 40s with imagining that there are paths less traveled and that independent women with unique vision have a place in this ever-changing world. Excited to read more of your postings..when will you write a book?
I appreciate most your candor. It is rare to see a person of great success talk about unhappiness in any form. Thank you for sharing those facets of your life with us – it makes us all feel better about the facets of unhappiness in our own, and lets us know that we need not be defined by them.
Your essay was goose-bumpy good. Only this past year have I started to not “mourn the life I didn’t get” and I haven’t been this happy since my twenties.
As always, you completely nailed it!
I have to admit that when the youngsters at my job (can there actually be people born in the 90s’) threw me a bd party and where shocked to learn I was 51 it made me happy. It also (slightly) makes up for all the people who now call me ma’am!
Thanks for sharing your reassuring and graceful approach to (shudder) aging. It is inevitable, if we’re lucky, right?
Thanks for all of these wonderful comments, guys. They make the lonely work of writing so impossibly worth it!
Kim – Really loved the Today Health piece. As much as I navigate to this site for all it offers, I truly do come here for you.
when you said “envying the young is dangerous business, so whenever I catch myself doing that, I step back for a second and remember the woman I was at 25, at 30, at 40. And I wouldn’t trade her for the person I am now, not for a second.” I got a little shiver. yes. just yes.
Loved reading your article on turning fifty. As someone who just had a 63rd b-day I can relate to the excitement/trepidation/knowledge one has as they enter their fiftieth decade. I hope you will find, as I did, the joy and sheer fun of being free from expectations––both those you place upon yourself and those you THINK others have placed on you. There is something pretty amazing about being past that need to win/deserve/desire the approval of others. Every morning I wake up thinking “yippie ki-yi-yay I get to have a wonderful day!”
I really enjoyed your article. I turned 53 last month, and actually, 50 wasn’t bad, but this birthday hit hard. 50 seemed like such a milestone and since I have a lot of girlfriends quite a bit older than me, I see how fabulous they are and I wasn’t worried. But now they are all retired and I am still slaving away, so that sucks 🙂
I think 53 was harder for me as I am marching into my 50’s and life isn’t exactly what I thought it would be, but you need to embrace what you have not what you don’t have. Easier said than done.
Kim, thank you for your lovely words on getting older and learning to love the life you have. Thank you especially for touching on not having children in what can feel like a “mommy-crazy” world. I think this topic is not talked about enough, and I know that I (and other childless by chance women) appreciate the mention.
I agree and appreciate it as well.
Your article struck a note with me as well. All my coworkers and friends are either a lot younger or have a family. Missing out on family life does sting sometimes. I wanted a family and I’ve finally accepted it wasn’t meant to be for me. I also don’t feel 44 most days. I do sometimes find myself amazed at how many people are younger than me though. And I’ve also found that I’m wearing makeup more than I used to. It was nice to not feel alone in this aging thing for a moment.
Love the piece you wrote about turning 50. I’m 42 and have been going through some of the same struggles and it’s comforting to know that things can/will get better. The advice about not mourning the life you didn’t get is SO good. So good.
And now I’m reading all the other comments and it’s making me tear up. Aww. So much solidarity! My people.
I am turning 36 in two months and closing the gap on 40 is causing me considerable panic. I am single, hate my job and still very much trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I look around and see that everyone else I know seems secure in their choices ( or they are good at faking it) and I feel just as lost as I did at 25. It is always good to read that having things fall into place before you are 30 doesn’t happen for everyone. We are all on different paths and forcing your life into deadlines can be defeating. Thanks for sharing this.
Lovely essay. Congrats.
Kim, that was a beautiful, honest, and courageous post. As one who has been down the dark road, I seek out others who are authentic. Who has time to waste on people that want to shape us into THEIR vision? I’m me, and I’m moving forward at 54!